When you used to write every day. When did that stop? You’ve been asleep for so long, with eyes open and limbs moving and brain firing electricity everywhere but onto a blank page. Will January change things? Will the return of the light help? You’ve been feeling like yourself, that hasn’t changed, but the words were afraid and stayed away. No you were afraid and stayed away. After so many years and so many edits you’re frightened to keep writing because the words keep coming out true.

Your mum’s written a book. You read the typescript. It’s the best thing you’ve read all year. You read it straight through, breathless, impressed.

Your friend’s written a book. You read the typescript. You had notes for her. The ending is incredible. You’re full of respect.

For some reason you’ve returned to cooking. Maybe it’s the light here. Maybe it’s being so high up, no longer underground. Maybe it’s feeling at home, grounded, loved. You keep calling anything you cook with aubergine ‘ayurvedic’ even though you can’t describe what you mean by that, so you should probably stop saying that. The intention isn’t bad. An algorithm makes you into a man and he looks like he’s Persian. He’s pretty hot though. The algorithm makes you into a woman, judgementally applying make-up and smoothing your face. This make you look like you’re in drag. Your face is lost somewhere inside the algrithm’s binary code.

Do you think you’ll write more this year? You don’t know: this year contains a kernel that might take all of your creativity. The year could inspire you too. Change, seismic, creating.

I hope this year is okay. I hope the oppressed peoples of the world receive, have and make justice, freedom, love, joy and beauty.

2018 Culture tops (subject to availability bias):

• My mum‘s book and Belinda’s book
• We That Are Young, Preti Taneja
• Things We Lost in the Fire, Mariana Enriquez
• Stay With Me, Ayobami Adebayo
• Venice Bitch, Lana Del Rey
• Afua Hirsch and Dr Nicola Rollock in conversation
• The Space Between Things, Phoebe Boswell @Autograph (still on at the time of writing)
• Behind the Door Another Invisible Door, Dorothea Tanning @ Reina Sofia (I think this might tour to London in 2019)
• Two, Rambert, Sadlers Wells